I reverse walked on the treadmill. That was something else. When walking forward is a struggle, imagine what walking backwards for 2 minutes felt like.
I polished the walls of the gym like a real karate kid, warming up my body by waxing on and off the surface (T-spine rotations). Never been more zen in my life. I made out with a foam roller as if my marriage depended on it.
We tried toe touches. And balance exercises. Got dizzy, check. Fell over sideways, once of twice, check. 
I tamed the battleropes like a professional snake charmer. The first time for the whole 9 seconds, until I nearly passed out. 
We did some boxing, just to find out I have zero mobility and freakishly small hands. We did ground exercises, but only once, because it took a construction crane to get me back up from the floor. I messed around with barbells, halters, kettlebells, basically everything that wasn’t attached to the floor, at one moment or another, I was told to lift it. I slammed balls into the floor. I slammed balls into the wall. I threw balls over my shoulder, just to pick them up again after. The only thing I didn’t threw balls at was the head of my trainer, even though I must have wished I could at least a dozen of times. 

But as much as I’ve moaned, and cursed, and sighed, and died a bit inside for a variety of different reasons… here we are. 8 weeks later. I tackle the reversed treadmill for 10 minutes without breaking a sweat. I pass out at the battleropes at the 50 second mark, instead of after 10. When we’re boxing, I duck. I squat. I jab. I counter with hooks and uppercuts. Yeah, I do all of that! I slam heavier balls into the floor now. 75 times in a row.  I can touch my toes again. I can bike again without hurting my knees. My horrible acid burn is gone. I can walk again at a slow but steady pace without back ache. Not for miles and miles ahead, but enough to make it to the supermarket and back without needing an emergency pitstop. My legs are starting to get their shape back, only the ankles remain stubborn. And I’ve lost just over two stones in weight.

I’d even dare to say, we pulled a successful U-turn and are definitely heading back in the right direction. It’s a long road still, but as long as I’m not coming to a halt, we’re going places.

Any my personal trainer? She’s actually really lovely.