Vixxie has forty things before forty.

I ‘celebrate’ my birthday tomorrow. And remember how I always smile my age away by saying thirty-something. Well this is the last year I will be able to. In December 2021, I’ll have to face the music and say forty-something. And that thought doesn’t exactly make me happy. You know when you are young and dandy, and people being over forty just compare to ancient artefacts. Yeah, I’m right there, the twenty-something trapped in an old-timer’s body. I was never a big fan of birthdays, but this year is an extra bitter pill to swallow, realizing I have only 1 whole year left of being thirty-something. It also scares the living poop out of me that when I was a young adult, and people told me that “you probably shouldn’t be doing that because when you’re old, your body will regret eating this, drinking that, …”. Gotcha. I feel old and withered. And the consecutive physical discomforts are slowly hacking away at my positive attitude. Quite honestly, I’m feeling way off. I have for a while. And I don’t like it one single bit.

I could make a neat summary of all the things that are wrong with me, but none of them in particular really matter. It’s not even the couple of extra corona kilo’s and the discomforts because of that extra weight that bother me. It’s just an overall “I got lost, somewhere, somehow, everything hurts and I’m always tired. I left my smile somewhere and I can’t remember where”. Getting out of bed seems more pointless with every day that goes by. I pretty much hate myself for completely destroying half a year of effort and losing 23 kilograms last year just to see them all latch on again while being forced to sit my arse down at home and take the pandemic on the chin like a champ. Sure, I can blame the covid pandemic. I can blame home-work, continuous lockdowns and ordering my groceries online. I can blame being temporarily unemployed and having to seriously juggle my budget for a couple of months (and thus also cutting down a lot on the extra healthy, extra expensive bio-foods). I can blame my cloudy thoughts on not being able to catch good vibes on a city trip now and then or I can blame the news websites for my violent mood swings. I can blame life for keeping me away from my loved ones. I can blame my gym being closed since March and my dumbbells or yoga mat lying in the office collecting dust. 

I can legitimately blame everything and everyone, but the god honest truth is that I am the one who decided to make a big deal out of getting infected with Covid (and likely dying as a result of that, being obese). And I am the one who refused to set foot outside of my home since March 19th. The cave whamun in me has no complaints what so ever, I could spend an eternity without sunlight. I did go out, twice, to go to the office for an official meeting and to go pick up my new laptop. That was twice too many and each time I had to scratch my doom-thinking self off the floor for a week afterwards. I haven’t been able to see the end of the Corona tunnel just yet, but I know that ultimately one day I will. And that I will have to pick up life exactly there where it stopped for me. With every day that passes by, I get more and more anxious of not being able to do just that. Not physically. Not mentally. Not emotionally. 

But since I am smart enough to realise all of this is my own doing, I’m also more than capable of realizing that the only way out of this scary place, is putting myself together and getting off my fat, lazy butt. And because focusing on a healthy lifestyle always helps me in my constant uphill battle against straying from the light, I came up with a new project for the year 2021: Forty things to do before forty.

Losing 40 kilo’s, is one of those things, in fact, the most important one. It’s not a new year’s good resolution, it’s a plan of action that starts TODAY. It’s going to take deep pockets to recover from this one, but I guess trying is a good place to start. 

Better get ready, Train 4. I’ll be coming for you soon.